Post by Rev. Goodidea Sunday (@goodidea_sunday)

REV GOODIDEA ASKS

RESPECT AT HOME — HOW CAN PARENTS EARN RESPECT WITHOUT INTIMIDATION?

Many parents want their children to respect them, but we sometimes forget that children are watching more than they are listening.

You can tell a child, “Always tell the truth,” but if your phone rings and you tell the child, “Tell them I’m not at home,” when you are actually there, what lesson have you just taught?

You may think, “I’m only doing it so I won't have to talk to this person.” But your child may simply learn that lying is acceptable when it is convenient.

You tell your child not to insult people, but they hear you constantly insulting others.

You demand that they keep their promises, but they watch you make promises you have no intention of keeping.

You tell them to respect people, but they see you humiliating domestic workers, younger people, your spouse, or people who cannot defend themselves.

You warn them against shouting, yet every correction comes with screaming.

You tell them to admit their mistakes, but whenever you are wrong, you never apologise.

You tell them to be honest about money, relationships, school, or other matters, while they hear you giving false explanations to people.

Then one day, the child begins to behave exactly like the behaviour they have been watching, and we ask, “Who taught you this?”

Sometimes, the answer is not another child, social media, or their friends.

They learned it from us.

This does not mean parents must be perfect. Nobody is perfect. But when you make a mistake in front of your children, admitting it and apologising can teach them more about character than pretending you never make mistakes.

Real parental authority is not simply:

“Because I am your parent, you must respect me.”

It is also:

“I will show you the kind of person I am asking you to become.”

Children need boundaries. They need discipline. They need correction. But discipline should build character, not merely produce fear.

If a child obeys you only because they are afraid of what you will do to them, that is not necessarily the same as having genuine respect for you.

Parents, let our lives support the lessons we teach.

Before asking:

“Why doesn't my child respect me?”

Sometimes we should also ask:

“What have my child been learning from watching me?”

QUESTION FOR THE FAMILY:

What is one behaviour parents may consider harmless, but children can actually learn from it?

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