Post by Adesanya Ayotola (@adesanya_ayotola)

PAIN RECRUITES, THE ADDRESS OF WISDOM

Pain is a powerful teacher but it is also a persuasive storyteller. That is why we should be careful both in what we say while hurting and in what we choose to learn from the hurting words of others. Some people, wounded by what they have experienced, unknowingly recruit others into the school of their pain. They teach distrust because they were betrayed. They teach bitterness because they were disappointed. They teach revenge because they were wronged. Their lessons feel convincing because pain speaks with intensity and intensity is often mistaken for truth.

But pain does not always tell the whole story. In our own moments of hurt, we must also be careful. Pain has a way of turning temporary experiences into permanent philosophies. A broken heart can become "love never lasts." A betrayal can become "no one can be trusted." A disappointment can become "people never change." What began as a wound slowly becomes a worldview. This is why wisdom requires discernment.

We should be wise enough to hear the layers hidden within people's "wisdom." Every piece of advice carries the fingerprints of the life that produced it. Every philosophy has a history. Every conviction has an address. Everyone's wisdom will naturally bring you to where they are standing. If a person's outlook was built in fear, their wisdom may lead you toward fear. If it was built in bitterness, their counsel may quietly cultivate bitterness in you. If it was shaped by healing, grace and hope, those qualities will also find their way into their words.

This does not mean we dismiss people's experiences. Experiences matter. Stories matter. Pain matters. But honoring someone's pain is different from inheriting the conclusions their pain produced. Learn from people's wisdom but be careful not to inherit their wounds. The painful irony is that the very people who enroll you in the school of their hurt may eventually heal and move on, while you remain trapped in beliefs that were never meant to define your life. They leave the classroom but you are still carrying the curriculum.

Empathy does not require adoption. Compassion does not require agreement. We can understand another person's pain without making it our identity. Likewise, we must guard our own words. There are people listening to us. They may build beliefs from what we say today. If our pain becomes their philosophy, we may unknowingly recruit them into battles that were never theirs to fight. May our scars become sources of compassion rather than factories of cynicism. May our experiences produce understanding instead of prejudice, and may our wisdom be shaped not merely by what happened to us but by what truth, humility and healing have done within us. Be a student of truth, not merely a student of pain.

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